on changing your mindset
the beauty of built-upon
a friend asked me recently how i think a person can change their mindset. here is what i wrote to him.
changing your mindset, especially about deeply-rooted emotional things, happens in stages, in my experience. when people say things like "acknowledging you have a problem is half the battle" they're describing the first stage, which is usually pretty immediate, and comes from the will. it's that moment when you acknowledge the change is necessary and determine to implement it.
the next stage takes time and patience, and will involve more than just the will. i think a lot of people give up here because they think they're failing if they can't will a change overnight. you have to conscientiously remind yourself of the new thinking pattern and practice it, while also taking care of your body and mind and soul and putting in place new habits. you have to intentionally seek out things that will feed your new perspective and intentionally find ways to move away from the old things.
and then there is often, but not always, a third stage in which you do a deeper reflection on the change as you've made it so far and put it into context in your life and development and mental state overall. a lot genuinely can happen overnight, but a lot more has to keep happening constantly every day for a while before things really, truly change.
on this subject, i wrote this poem many years ago, about a person i know who has continued to change their mindset and build and grow throughout their life, and who i think is a very good example of what i mean:
once, i wrote to you: seam
Shades of green at different heights, and
bits of sidewalk in different shades,
remade over time,
tell stories so many people overlook.
Looking at cracks in the pavement,
discolored bits, a broken pattern,
I feel a profound love.
This - the scar tissue of survival -
is the beauty of built-upon,
the non-mathematical seam
of healing.
It’s as impossible to ignore as
the crinkles around your eyes.
.
Patchwork lover, rebuilt friend.
Reworked over years, pulled apart, grown fresh
here or there;
a limb
or an organ at a time.
Bless those eyes, which have seen themselves
in different forms.
Bless that heart, which has broken
again and again.
Bless that mind, which looks for answers
in all the crevices.